


know the game (gonna play it)

by mixtapestar



Series: Queliot Week 2020 [6]
Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Post-Episode: s04e13 No Better To Be Safe Than Sorry, Resurrection, Underworld
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:01:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27661046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mixtapestar/pseuds/mixtapestar
Summary: Queliot Week Day 6: "So we're just giving up?"Quentin has been gone for four months, one week, and five days, and Eliot is still fighting to bring him back.
Relationships: Quentin Coldwater/Eliot Waugh, William "Penny" Adiyodi/Kady Orloff-Diaz
Series: Queliot Week 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2017429
Comments: 8
Kudos: 68





	know the game (gonna play it)

**Author's Note:**

> BIG thank you to Rubi for helping out with this one. Angst is definitely out of my comfort zone but I enjoyed the challenge. Hope you all enjoy!

Quentin has been gone for four months, one week, and five days. Eliot doesn't bother to think about the exact number of hours, as he'd been in a medically induced coma at the time, but each day he wakes up and adds another day to his mental calendar. He tells himself that eventually he'll get to start over at zero, counting back up until the time they have him back exceeds the amount of time he was gone.

He goes through his normal morning routine, getting ready in the bathroom, having a quick breakfast while Julia gets ready, then the two of them head off to the Library to meet up with Alice.

Another day spent bent over books, proposing spells to Julia for potential meta-composition, and essentially shooting holes in every idea that comes up. They can't afford to mess up, if they ever get far enough along to try anything.

By mid-afternoon, it's back to the apartment for a costume change before using his freshly-made portal to Fillory. For the longest time, his evenings were spent with Penny, a little bit of research but mostly just trial-and-error, trying to build a stable portal from a hidden alley in the city into the heart of Fillory, after the grandfather clock had stopped working for them. Now that they've accomplished it, Eliot can go visit Margo every day, and Penny doesn't have to play go-between anymore, for any of them.

Some evenings are all about Margo, listening to her vent about whatever drama Fillory has cooked up lately, offering advice when he can. Others are his turn, rehashing all their failed ideas about Quentin, brainstorming new ones on occasion. But mostly they use the time together as a break, a chance for both of them to just be Eliot and Margo—not royalty, not those left behind—and stop worrying about the rest of the world.

But eventually, the night ends. Eliot traipses back through the portal to the penthouse, sleeps, and does it all over again.

Four months, two weeks, and three days without Quentin, and Eliot is back in the library doing research per usual. Julia has just shot down another of his ideas, on the basis of physics not applying in the same way to the Underworld.

Eliot sighs. "Alright then, what's next?" He glances up to see a look passing between Alice and Julia. He doesn't like the look of that look, like they've been talking about him behind his back and none of it's been good. "Hey, what—what was that? …"

Julia frowns. "There is no next, Eliot. We've failed at everything we've tried—"

"—even though we haven't really _tried_ anything," Eliot interjects—

"—and it's exhausting, doing the same useless work every day," Julia finishes, ignoring his interruption.

"You think I don't know that?" he responds, rising quickly past their standard library noise level. "You think I don't feel every single day he's not here? The absolute mind-numbing monotony? The world, completely devoid of color, just like he always feared?"

"But that's exactly it," Alice cuts in softly. The look she's giving him now breaks his heart. "He wouldn't want this for us, Eliot."

"He would _want_ to be _here_ ," Eliot grits out.

Julia eyes dart to the wall, her hands curling into fists as she inhales deeply. Her voice cracks as she looks back towards Eliot, her eyes shining with tears, and says, "We don't know that."

"Well, we don't know _what_ he wants, or would want! Because _he's not fucking here_." His words don't seem to be having any effect on them. Despite their apparent sadness, they still appear resolute. "So we're just giving up?" he says, only half a question.

"We're moving on," Julia says.

"The fact that we haven't been able to reach him means Quentin has moved on, too," Alice adds. "It's time to let go."

Eliot clenches his jaw and keeps quiet. He's not in the right headspace to have this argument with them. "Fine," he finally says, just so the conversation can be over. He'll just have to carry on without them.

He heads home early and spends most of the afternoon pacing in his room. When his anger gives way to hopelessness, he pulls one of Quentin's hoodies out of the closet, where they hang next to Eliot's vests. Nothing in the penthouse smells like Quentin anymore, any lingering hint of his after-shave or shampoo long since gone from Eliot's need for comfort. But even though they never fit right, Eliot still pulls one of the hoodies on whenever he needs a small reminder of Quentin.

He spends his evening getting drunk and venting to Margo in Fillory, crashing in his old bed in Whitespire for the first time in a long while. When he wakes up, hungover and sweaty, he spends a long time staring up at the ornate ceiling, wondering what to do next. Maybe he can convince Penny to drop him off in Ibiza. He still owes Eliot one for the portal, anyway, and Eliot can live his former self's dream of moving permanently to Encanto Oculto.

He scoffs. Who is he kidding? Penny can only Travel to places he's been. He's probably never been to Ibiza; he _certainly_ hasn't been invited to Encanto. That certainly limits Eliot's options for that I.O.U.

An idea jolts into his mind, and Eliot sits up so fast his head swims. After a quick, careful spell for the headache and a large glass of water, Eliot goes through the motions to get himself home and reach out to Penny.

"You can Travel anywhere you've been before, right?" he says as soon as the pleasantries are out of the way. "Can you take me to where you met Penny 40?"

Penny shakes his head, looking at him like he's crazy. Fair, he's feeling a little manic right now. "That wasn't the Underworld, man. It was somewhere weird, in between. Going there isn't going to get your boy back."

Now it's Eliot's turn to shake his head. "I don't need the Underworld. I just need to talk to Penny."

***

"No guarantees," Penny 23 says for probably the dozenth time. Eliot only keeps from rolling his eyes by the fact that they're finally ready.

"Just do it."

In the blink of an eye, Eliot looks around to find himself in a white room, almost painfully clean. Penny looks satisfied, so they must be in the right place. "If he shows up, I'll leave you here," Penny reminds him. "Just touch the sigil I gave you when you're ready to come back."

Eliot nods, suddenly nervous as he stares at the door. He shouldn't be. It's just Penny. The old Penny, who had even less patience for bullshit. Eliot should be able to get straight to the point.

Still, his heart jumps when the door opens. Penny 40's expression is unreadable, a light pleasant overlay that Eliot recognizes from his own tried-and-true masks. "Why do I get the feeling this isn't just a friendly hello?" he asks in a weird, customer-service type voice, eyeing Eliot.

Eliot meets Penny 23's eyes and nods. After a quick nod in return, Penny 23 vanishes. Shifting his focus back to Penny 40, Eliot says, "I'm here to talk to you about Quentin."

Penny sighs, taking a seat. "Honestly, I expected one of you sooner. But I don't have anything to tell you that you're gonna like. He took the metro card. He moved on."

Eliot shakes his head. He knew this wouldn't be easy. "I'm getting him back," he says decisively. "I'm not here to ask you to do it for me. I'm here to find out about the rules."

Penny leans forward, intrigued. "The rules of the Underworld?"

Eliot nods. "And anything you might know about where he is, now."

Penny sits back. "Huh." He stays like that, lost in thought, for long enough that Eliot starts to get annoyed. But then he gestures at the seat in front of him, and Eliot gets comfortable.

"Here's what I can tell you," Penny prefaces, and goes into a long, tedious explanation about the order of operations down here. Eliot takes notes, even when something seems irrelevant, because he has nothing else to go on at this point. When he's done, Eliot waits, hoping for more.

"You didn't mention anything about Quentin himself," Eliot says.

Penny frowns. He's been sporting that same overly-friendly tone this whole time, but it's even more pronounced when he says, "I'm afraid I can't help you there."

"What's going on with you?" Eliot challenges. "This, fucking, service desk Ken Doll isn't you. Are you even still Penny? Our Penny?"

Penny's expression darkens. " _Your_ Penny is the one who brought you here. There's no use pretending otherwise."

"Well, that at least sounds like you. Seriously, what happened?" Eliot glances down at his notes and wonders. "Is there something else you can tell me? About you? I mean, I'm stumbling in the dark here, but maybe Quentin's not the only one I can save."

Penny purses his lips. "That's a dangerous road to walk down, man. I wouldn't advise it. You guys have angered enough gods in your time."

Eliot's eyes sparkle. Now they're getting somewhere. "Gods?"

"My ties here are more than just Library deals." Penny says, shaking his head. "There are rules. So many rules. It would take more than a lifetime to unravel them all."

Eliot isn't dissuaded. "The thing about rules is that they usually have loopholes."

Penny's mouth quirks up into a smile, like Eliot has surprised him again. "Forget about helping me, though I appreciate the offer. Here's something I can tell you about Quentin. He didn't drink the cocoa."

Eliot raises an eyebrow. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"Maybe nothing." Eliot takes a deep breath and looks around the white-walled room to keep a hold on his patience. This place is so sterile that he feels his skin itching. He needs to get out of here soon before he starts losing his grip on reality. "Look, I know you said you just wanted information, but… I might actually be able to help you."

Eliot's grip tightens on his pen. "How?"

Penny shakes his head. He can't say. "If you can find a way to send him back to me— No guarantees," and isn't Eliot tired of hearing that, "but I may be able to exploit one of those loopholes. You'll need a vessel, up top, for his Shade to go into."

Eliot's chest hurts suddenly. He takes a deep breath and realizes he hasn't felt hope in such a long time. Ridiculously, he's got tears in his eyes. "How can I communicate with you?"

"Sorry, man," Penny says, shaking his head once again. "Like I said, so many rules. Even coming back here again is dangerous. Just getting him back to the Underworld again will probably be impossible. But this is Coldwater we're talking about so—maybe not."

"I'm going to find a way."

"You know, I gotta be honest. I'm a little surprised that it's you."

Eliot raises his eyebrows. "And why's that?"

"Well, he was always tight with Julia, and she had that whole goddess thing going for a while. And Alice was _in love_ with the dude, so—"

"Yeah, she's not alone in that," Eliot says tersely.

"Really? _Damn_. How much have I missed?"

And maybe it's because he sounds more like Penny than he has since he arrived. Maybe it's because Eliot hasn't been able to talk about it freely with anyone for so long—Julia and Alice dealing with their own grief, Margo having to rule an entire kingdom—but Eliot finds himself laying it all out. The mosaic, his true feelings, his inability to accept happiness as a possible outcome. When he finally stops to take a breath, he realizes he's been talking so long that he'd almost forgotten where he was. He rubs at his eyes and feels his extremities tingling, like he's finally coming back to himself. "What the fuck just happened?" he says, laughing lightly as he wipes the tears from his cheeks.

Penny offers him a tissue out of nowhere. "Sorry, man. Perils of talking to me, I think. Although… that helps, actually. I'm pretty sure I can help you, if you can follow through on your side."

Eliot takes a shaky breath in. "I need to get out of here," he says wearily. "I'm trusting you."

"I'd tell you not to, but I can see that it doesn't really matter what I say from this point."

"Not really," Eliot agrees. His fingers move toward the sigil in his pocket to bring Penny 23 back, but he pauses, studying Penny 40. "Did you drink the cocoa?"

Penny's smile looks sad. "It was a cupcake."

"Shit," Eliot says, and Penny's expression agrees with him. He slides his fingers onto the sigil, and within moments, Penny 23 is back with them. He nods one final time at Penny 40. "I'll only come back here as a last resort."

"Here's hoping we never see each other again," Penny 40 says with a laugh.

And with that, Eliot is whisked away, back to his mundane life.

***

He manages three weeks (five months, one week, and five days without Quentin) before Julia and Alice find out that he's still working. He'd debated, for the first day or so, bringing them back in. He could certainly use the help, with Alice's ability to locate exactly the right book, and Julia's creative energy. But they clearly needed the break, and Eliot knew that slowing down might break _him_ , so he made his choice and carried on.

Only now, they seem to be upset at his assumption. Well, mainly Alice; he suspects Julia got out most of her initial anger when she found out about it from Penny 23.

"Why wouldn't you tell us about this?" Alice demands, flipping through his notes so angrily that he finds himself grateful that he'd made copies.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you staged a fucking _intervention_ the last time I so much as mentioned his name?"

"There are consequences to sending someone back, Eliot, we've talked about this," Julia says, her gaze heated.

Eliot shakes his head. "Based on what Penny said—"

"I see what Penny said," Alice says, pointing down at his notes. "But what he _failed_ to mention is that even if he gets away with it, he'll absolutely be punished, by Hades or maybe worse, if he doesn't make an equal exchange."

"If you'd let me finish—"

"A life for a life, that's how it normally goes," Julia says.

"But Penny won't—"

"We don't know what he's willing to do. From what I heard, he's changed a lot. And there's also a chance he doesn't realize what the consequences would be."

Eliot clenches his jaw, trying not to let his anger boil over. When he's satisfied that they're going to let him speak, he says, "If we had an exchange, though. Someone that Penny would fight for no matter what."

Julia looks furious as she parses what he means. "You're suggesting that we kill Kady to bring your boyfriend back?"

Eliot is willing to let that one go, this once, because he knows more about Julia's history with Kady than Julia realizes. "Not exactly," he says, "and it wasn't my idea. I've been working with Kady on this ever since I got back."

That seems to give the two of them pause. "You have?" Julia asks skeptically.

"Yeah, for _some reason_ I figured you two would be less willing to help with this effort."

Alice and Julia share a look, having another silent conversation that does nothing to lessen Eliot's frustration. Eventually, Alice sighs and sits down.

"This is a bad idea," Julia says, but she shakes her head and sits too.

"We're willing to hear you out, though," Alice says, more kindly. She must read some of the anger in his expression, because after a moment she tacks on, "And we're sorry, for jumping all over you."

He takes a deep breath and sits at his usual corner of the table. It takes him a minute to reorganize his notes after Alice's mad shuffling, but then he finds what he's looking for.

"The Juliet potion," he explains, holding out the page. "If it's mixed in the light of two moons, it's practically guaranteed to send you to the Underworld while in effect. Kady should be able to go down without a true sacrifice."

"And then what?" Julia demands. "She trades her life for Quentin's, right? Is that your clever plan? How is that any better?"

"It's more complicated than that."

Julia shakes her head, wiping tears from her eyes. She stands again, gripping the table. "I love Quentin, and I miss him too, but I can't—I'm sorry, but I can't condone this. I hope like hell you know what you're doing. But you'll have to do it without me."

Eliot nods. "I understand."

After her exit, Eliot explains the other half to Alice — how he's still struggling to find a way to get Quentin from wherever he is, back to the Underworld.

"I might have something for that," Alice says, "but it's no guarantee."

Eliot huffs. "Nothing ever is."

After a few hours of hashing things out, cross-referencing as many texts as they can, they have a rough sketch of the spell Eliot will need. "This will give him a doorway to pass back through. The rest is up to him."

"Thank you," Eliot says, his voice rough with a combination of exhaustion and emotion. This is actually starting to take shape as something minutely possible in his head.

"I hope it works. But the Juliet potion… I can't see getting out of that part without losing one or both of them. For good."

"I've got something in mind for that," Eliot says, staring down at the table, "but it's kind of a hail mary."

Alice lays her hand over his. "Just try not to do anything too stupid, okay? We can't lose you too."

He looks up at her, the tears in her eyes making his own eyes sting, and he gives into the impulse to pull her into a hug. "We don't deserve you," he says wetly, making her laugh.

"Damn right you don't." She sniffles and presses her forehead against his collarbone. It's nice, just to sit there for a moment, feeling her support. "Promise me you won't gamble with your life."

"I promise," Eliot says, and hopes he can keep it.

***

Thirty seconds after Kady takes the potion and falls gracefully asleep, she jerks awake, eyes wild and hands clutching at him.

"Eliot?! Oh, god— _what_ —?" she says, staring down at her own hands and body.

"Q? Is that you?" Eliot asks, his heart in his throat.

"What in the _hell_?" comes the answer, which certainly _sounds_ like Kady, but— "What did you two _do_?"

"It _is_ you," Eliot says, confident by the troubled expression on Kady's face. He pulls Quentin into a hug, which Quentin returns, even if Eliot can practically hear his mind buzzing.

"I was— There was a doorway, opened back, and I— Kady was there, and Penny, both of them arguing—"

"Did she eat anything?" Quentin!Kady's eyes go to him, unfocused at first. "Q, did Kady eat anything while she was down there?"

"She was stuffing cookies in her mouth," he says. "That's what Penny was so mad about. But he shoved me into an elevator, and that's the last thing I remember…"

Eliot sags in relief. That was exactly the plan, at least so far.

He's suddenly shoved, hard, with Quentin using most of Kady's considerable strength. "What the hell, Eliot?! Kady can't give her life for mine! Why would you think that I'd want that?"

"That's not what's going to happen," Eliot assures him, hoping like hell that he's right. "For one thing, Penny would never stand for that."

"Do you really think it will be _up_ to Penny—" Quentin continues, and they fall deep into an argument that Eliot can hardly believe he gets to have. They spend so long arguing that it takes a moment to realize the change when they're suddenly teleported to a grey room, sitting in deceptively comfy office chairs across from Kady and Penny. When Eliot looks back, Quentin appears to be back in his own body. He reaches out a shaking hand to touch him, and Quentin laces their fingers together, his anger whisked away by the fear of their current situation.

At the head of the table sits a dark-skinned man, looking perfectly composed in his suit and tie. Eliot takes the time to examine Penny and Kady — no surprise to see Penny looking furious but tight-lipped, and Kady munching calmly away at a cookie, licking the crumbs from her fingers.

"So this is how it's gonna be, huh?" the man says, crossing his fingers and setting them down on the table before him.

"Hades," Quentin whispers, confirming Eliot's suspicions. Good, this is exactly who Eliot was hoping to speak with.

"Sir, if I may—" he begins, but stops quickly when Hades holds up a hand.

"You're only here because this one insisted," he says, gesturing at Kady, "but you will wait your turn."

Eliot nods. His throat is suddenly so dry he doesn't think he has any choice but to comply.

"Penny," Hades begins in a manner that feels like he's doing a weekly round of lay-offs. "I have to say, I'm disappointed. I thought we had an understanding."

" _This_ was not my idea," he says, cutting his eyes at Kady, glaring across at Eliot.

"But you did have _an_ idea. Your involvement in this is indisputable."

Penny clenches his jaw and, eventually, nods.

"Good. The truth will help speed things along. Now, Ms. Orloff-Diaz." She fixes Hades with a bored expression. Eliot's fondness for her grows with every passing second. "You remind me of someone I hold quite dear, and honestly, I may allow that to work in your favor. Now tell me, what did _you_ hope to accomplish with your involvement in this?"

Kady ponders this for a while, her gaze sweeping the room. "Making things right," she begins, looking at Quentin. Her gaze sweeps over to Eliot. "Helping out a friend. And… a chance to see Penny again, regardless."

"So you intended to trade your life for Quentin's, here?"

"Not necessarily. I know that's a very strong possibility. But I also know you're a reasonable god. Not many of those to come by, these days. Thought we might be able to work out some kinda deal."

"Interesting," Hades says, studying her. Satisfied, he turns to the other side of the table, focusing on Quentin. "Mr. Coldwater. I have to say, I've had my eye on you. It's no great surprise to have you here at my table."

"No?" Quentin asks. Eliot squeezes his hand and gets a squeeze back.

"You knew what you were doing, when you cast that spell in the Mirror Realm."

"I did. It was a sacrifice I was willing to make."

Eliot tries to speak up, to argue against that, but as he suspected, his voice doesn't come when he opens his mouth.

"And do you regret that decision?" Hades says calmly, ignoring Eliot's attempts to speak.

Quentin blinks slowly. "I think I'd choose differently, if I were there today. _But_ … I don't want my friends to give up their lives for mine. I'm not worth it."

" _Q_ ," Eliot protests, surprised to find his voice working again.

"It's not a question of worth, but of intention," Hades says. "Which brings me to Mr. Waugh."

"I'm ready to make a sacrifice. Not my life," he adds quickly. "Something else."

"Did you have something in mind?"

"I do."

He meets Kady's eyes across the table, and she sits forward. "We both do."

"Then by all means," Hades says, sitting back, waving a hand for them to proceed.

Kady starts them off. "I know there are consequences to eating the food. It's old lore. I did it on purpose." With a challenging look toward Penny, she announces, "I'd like to spend half of each year serving in the Underworld, alongside Penny."

Penny's expression softens in surprise, even as Hades remains unaffected. "Very well," Hades says, "and you?"

Eliot takes a deep breath. Quentin's hand is shaking in his. He looks over at him, taking in his pleading eyes, telling Eliot not to do this. But he's already decided. He decided a long time ago. "I'll give up my ability to perform magic."

"Interesting," Hades says, steepling his fingers together.

Immediately, Quentin is pulling, _yanking_ on his arm, his mouth moving in a voiceless plea. Eliot just smiles back, resolute. He's had months to think about a worthy sacrifice, should he ever get this far, and there's no question. He can happily live a life with no magic of his own if it means getting Quentin back, whole and real and with a magic of his own. He reaches out and cups Quentin's jaw, stilling his movements and making his breath catch. No matter what happens next, he'll still have this moment of looking into Quentin's eyes one more time, the weight of their shared memories passing between them.

"We have a deal," Hades suddenly announces, standing up and pulling on his suit jacket.

Eliot sits up straight. "Do I need to sign anything, or…?"

"No need. I take people at their word. You will have nothing taken from you, Mr. Waugh. It will be your responsibility to refrain from using your gifts. Ms. Orloff-Diaz, you will be sent the means to report for duty on the evening of the winter solstice. If either of you break your word, there will be consequences, and our next meeting won't be as friendly."

His appearance doesn't change, but suddenly Eliot feels like he's staring into the void, with the chill of a thousand lost souls washing through him. He swallows and nods.

He comes back to himself in the same room he'd left, Kady in front of him, Quentin inexplicably sitting cross-legged in the doorway. He can still feel the magic thrumming under his skin, the tiniest relief even if he can never use it. He'll deal with that later.

"Shit," Kady says, flummoxed, while Quentin struggles to a standing position.

"What the _fuck_ did you just do?!" Quentin demands, stumbling toward him, angry and clumsy and _alive_.

Eliot meets him halfway, pulling him into his arms before he can protest. "Shut up, shut up, you can yell at me later. You can yell at me for the _rest of your life_. Just let me have this." Tears spring to his eyes, and he doesn't try to fight them, especially when the tension leaks out of Quentin. Eliot laughs in the middle of a sob, still struggling to process what just happened. What's happening _now_.

Quentin pulls back to look up at him, his own eyes shining with unshed tears. "Why would you do this?" he asks softly.

Eliot strokes his thumb over Quentin's cheek, the warmth of it helping him feel grounded. "I don't need magic to be happy. But I know I need you."

He can feel the sharp inhale from Quentin, and it makes his own breath stutter. He checks the time. Two minutes of having Quentin back. So many days to go.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I may consider continuing this one in the future, let me know if you'd be interested in that! <3
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at [mixtapestar](http://mixtapestar.tumblr.com)!


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